Planning, Reflecting, Connecting

I’m pretty sure I’m one of the lucky ones. Some days I’m not sure. By this, I mean I’m one of the ones that has been able to continue going to work uninterrupted by the COVID-19 pandemic. I see you all complaining about having to stay home and how much you regret having bought a 2020 planner. I read your words, and, sometimes, depending on wear my head is at the moment, I read those kinds of statements and either think, “Yeah. Well, I’d like a little taste of getting to stay home all the time,” or “Yeah. That sounds awful. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself on my days off. I’ll bet everyday being like this is awful.” Even my days off are starting to creep back to normal though, and, on almost all days, having and using a paper planner is helpful for me. The tactile experience of a writing instrument on paper is a very deliberate and reinforcing experience for me, and I am glad that it is a habit that I have cultivated, even if I’m not always as consistent with it as I would like.

For my planners, I choose to use Passion Planners. Originally, years ago, I bought in because they are geared towards helping you achieve a greater sense of work/life balance. I continue to use them for that reason, and, in the last few years as the founder, Angelina Trinidad has been more open about her identity, I appreciate knowing that I am supporting a company that was founded and is run by a queer woman of color. The company also makes an intentional effort to promote diversity and to help those who are able to afford to purchase a planner, but would benefit from having help in creating structure in their lives, gain access to their products. Also, right now, 50% of all of their sales are going to support organizations that promote and support people of color.

It is helpful for me to have a space where I can not only track my schedule but also think through the tasks I need to complete for the day, record my health numbers, and to be able to think through and remind myself that, even in these extraordinarily tumultuous times, there are still good things happening. In fact, both COVID-19 and the uprisings against racial injustice around the world are providing us with opportunity to recognize the importance of looking for the good things where we can find them and to appreciate connection with each other because, for multiple reasons, that connection can be lost suddenly and without warning.  Whether it’s in a paper planner, using an app, or just sitting in silence, I hope that you are able to find ways to reflect and sustain ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually right now in whatever forms those take for you. 

~ Culbs

Building New Habits, Laying A Foundation

Wow! It’s really been a while since I have posted anything to this blog or to any blog for that matter. This moment in time, we find ourselves confronted with two significant signals, the pandemics of COVID-19 and systemic racial injustice. This, more many of us, has prompted us to examine ourselves, our choices, and to ask ourselves and each other what our future looks like, has me asking what behaviors do I want to be a part of who I am and what I contribute to the larger society. 

First, I am feeling compelled to read more and to be intentional about the messaging that I consume in all forms of media. In my former far-right conservative days, the church that I attending use to encourage fasting on Wednesdays. We would fast throughout the day and then come together for a church service on Wednesday evenings where we would spend part of the service in prayer, and, then, once the service was over, we would break the fast by going to a restaurant, usually the McDonald’s or Denny’s down the street from the church. This practice of fasting was meant to call attention to the need to “feed” ourselves in all aspects of our lives. Prior to the church service that evening, it was expecting that we would devote the time that was normally apportioned to meals to Bible-reading and prayer. The pastor even emphasized the importance of building relationships with the employees at the McDonald’s and Denny’s in an effort to draw them into the community of the church. Now, obviously, at this later point in my life, I see things very differently from my old church, but I think that there are some useful lessons in there. Being aware of the information that we consume is as important as the food that we consume, maybe even more so. I also think that there is something to that evangelical tendency to be so excited about something (in their case, a belief in Jesus) that I am always looking for opportunities to share it with others.

For the second change, I am doing it right now. I want to write more. The second job that I ever had was working as the News and Feature Writer for the newspaper in the small town where my high school was. One of the regular weekly duties of that job was interviewing a member of the community for a weekly column called Citizen of the Week where I would share a short summary of who they are and how they contribute to the community. I’ve smiled a few times at the realization that I am still doing similar pieces through the Walker of the Week profiles for Equitas Health and the Central Ohio AIDS Walk. I also write similar profiles on members of the Columbus Gay Men’s Chorus. I see these as so important in helping to connect members of the community to each other and to help peel back the curtain and to help us to see each other as more than just a face on a Spring morning in McPherson Commons or a singing face up on a stage. Additionally, I want to return to blogging more, and I want, through building this habit of regular writing to explore other forms of writing such as short stories, poetry, or maybe something larger, like a novel or a memoir.

Some EveryPlate meals for this week (Linguini
Carbonara, Hoisin Sriracha Chicken,
and Sweet 'n' Tangy Cherry Meatballs) 

Third, I want to cook more. For both my financial and physical well-being, I would be better off if I did this more frequently. I also enjoy it and find it to be good self-care. I realize from discussion with co-workers and friends that not everyone enjoys this, but I find prep work of chopping vegetables and assembling ingredients to be relaxing and gratifying. When I first moved to Columbus, I had a friend who would invite me over to prepare and eat a meal together. Maybe this will involve into another way of connecting and building community. For now, I struggle to maintain the consistent habit of just cooking for me. For now, I’m just using a meal prep delivery service, EveryPlate. They are a subsidiary of Hello Fresh, but they are significantly less expensive. The trade off is that they don’t neatly sort the ingredient into separate kits for you, and the direction cards that they send you are smaller and have fewer photos. I also wish that they provided more vegetarian options. For personal health reasons as well as the overall health of the planet, I have been trying to eat less meat. They do have some offerings, but those tend to be far less creative than their other more omnivorous options.

Finally, while, as an introvert, I have enjoyed some aspects of social distancing, I’m realizing that something has been missing from my life as I have been less engaged in efforts to  try to move us towards a better world. I am so encourage by what I see around me right now, especially from young people. The tragic death of George Floyd has created a moment, and people all over the world have been there to step through it and to ask what this moment means for us right now and who we can be in the future. I am striving for and seeking what the appropriate level of engagement is for me in terms of being present for both, as a mental health professional, my clients and patients as well as my community.

For now, my goal is to provide an update for this blog and my other blog, Authentic Culbs, once a week. This blog tends to focus more on what I am doing to, hopefully, improve myself as a person and contributor to society. The other blog has always focused more on my life as a part of that aforementioned conservative church and community and finding my way out of the closet and living openly as a gay man. I’m not sure if that is still what that blog is or not. I often feel that people are interested in that past part of me and the pain that I experienced through that journey. I’m more interested in looking ahead, exploring who I am now and what lies ahead, for me and for all of us.

If you have any thoughts on media to help me in this journey, please feel free to share. I’m also interested in thoughts about what either of my blogs are or could be. Let’s be in dialog and community. Thank you for reading!

~Culbs